For the first time, Johnny Gaudreau‘s wife is opening up and telling the story of how she learned of his shocking death.
It’s been a little over nine months since the NHL star and his brother Matthew Gaudreau, who also played ice hockey, were tragically killed by a drunk driver. Johnny’s wife Meredith and Matthew’s wife Madeline were both left widowed after the incident, but Meredith had a heartbreaking secret she shared at the time. She was pregnant with her third child.
Since the brothers’ passings, the hockey community has gathered together to support the Gaudreau family. Meredith even gave birth to her and Johnny’s third baby, named Carter Michael, after their deaths. And now that some time has passed, she’s written a beautiful essay to her late husband in which she’s opened up about the pain of losing him like never before.
On Thursday, The Player’s Tribune published the essay titled “Thank You For Being Perfect, John”. Throughout the article, the grieving momma detailed her life with the Columbus Blue Jackets star — all the way from their first time seeing each other, to their last. She talked about how they got to know each other ahead of COVID, which eventually led to them getting engaged and moving in together in 2020.
Then came their children, Noa and Johnny Jr. — then moving from Canada to Ohio, spending time with family… it was really the perfect life for a while. Meredith wrote how on August 22 she officially told Johnny she was pregnant with Carter, just a week before the tragedy on August 29.
She detailed how the day of the accident, which was the fourth anniversary of his proposal, started like any other:
“…I woke up, and you were downstairs with the kids. Letting me sleep in a bit knowing I was pregnant again. You were feeding Noa and Johnny breakfast. I walked into the kitchen and said, ‘Hey, today’s the day. August 29. Four years ago.’ Four years since the day you’d gotten down on one knee and asked one more question. ‘I know,’ you said, and you smiled so big. You came over and kissed me. And we all just hung out that morning. Big little team.”
The very last time she saw her beloved husband, she wrote, was when he walked out the door that morning:
“It was going to be a great day. We had a lot to do with the kids but we were going to get it done because the wedding was the next day. You were heading out to play golf with Matthew and all the groomsmen. You had our car packed to the brim in perfect Tetris fashion. Things for the wedding, things for Columbus, things for Johnny’s christening. You kissed all of us goodbye and said you’d see us later. And that was that.”
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Meredith said later she got a call from her sister-in-law Katie Gaudreau and then her world came crashing down:
“Katie called, and she said something had happened but she didn’t know what exactly. My dad drove me over to your parents’, and I was thinking the whole time about how I was going to help you through whatever it could be that had happened to Matty. And then I walked up the front porch and learned the absolute worst had happened and that it was both of you.”
Absolutely gut-wrenching.
Putting her feelings blatantly, Meredith simply said:
“There aren’t any words to go here.”
Thinking back to her previous few weeks with Johnny, she wrote:
“I was in shock. I was keeled over for days sick to my stomach. It’s completely indescribable. The only person who can relate to me is my own sister-in-law. I see her and my heart breaks for her. I’m sick for her. We had just celebrated their gender reveal. We were all just down the shore together and had so much fun. Matty made me laugh so much that weekend.”
Poor Meredith went on to add that this was the “worst thing I could have ever imagined”:
“And in an instant, I missed you more than I knew was possible. And I haven’t stopped missing you since. That feeling never goes away. I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I miss you every second of every day. I miss you more and more every day as well. My love grows deeper for you each day too.”
She also said going from getting ready for Katie’s wedding to “being in a funeral home” with Matthew’s wife “hurt so much”. We can’t imagine the shock…
All in all, she is still just at a loss:
“I looked at Noa and baby Johnny and I felt a pain that I hadn’t felt before. Our two babies who have to grow up without their dad, without their amazing uncle. I don’t know. What was I supposed to do without you?”
So, so heartbreaking. You can read the full essay HERE.
Our thoughts continue to be with Meredith, her children, and the rest of their family.
R.I.P.
[Image via Meredith Gaudreau/Instagram]
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